Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms by David Kessler

Author:David Kessler [Kessler, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms
ISBN: 9781401928506
Google: yr7HKl_wZtwC
Publisher: Hay House, Inc
Published: 2010-05-01T04:00:00+00:00

FEAR DOESN’T STOP DEATH—IT STOPS LIFE

by Jane

I remember an incident that happened when I was in my sophomore year of premed studies. I’d always been interested in healing because my mother had died years earlier, and I’d been exposed to many physicians and hospital settings. Yet while I knew I wanted to be a doctor, I was often overcome by fear and doubt about whether or not I could make it through the years of school.

I was devastated when I got the news that my father had been diagnosed with gastric cancer. Although I was focused on my studies, I decided to take a leave of absence to help him fight the disease. As I stepped onto the cancer roller coaster, I was committed to facing the difficult challenges that were ahead and quickly learned that it wasn’t only an emotional drain, but also a financial one, since there were many necessary treatments that our health insurance didn’t cover.

Before all this happened, I’d been getting ready for the MCAT, the Medical College Admission Test, and was overcome with fear and anxiety. I knew this one exam could make or break my career in medicine. But as my father’s condition grew worse, I realized that my plan to take off a semester wasn’t realistic. This was going to be a much worse ordeal than I had imagined.

I realized that I had to face the fact that the cancer had spread and my dad was dying. It turned out that I was as terrified of losing him as he was of dying. My father had always been a fearful person, but my mother had known how to quell his fears. I’d taken over that role long ago, but Dad and I only had each other. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

Late one night when I’d fallen asleep on the couch next to my father’s bed, I woke up hearing his voice. I looked over and saw him reaching toward the ceiling.

“Dad? What’s going on? What are you reaching for?”

“She’s here.”

“Who?”

“Your mother . . . she’s right here.”

I was in awe. Could it be true? Was it possible that she was actually in the room? “Dad,” I said, “what’s Mom saying?

Tell her how much I miss her.”

My father was mesmerized by whatever he was gazing upon, but then started speaking: “She wants us to know that there’s nothing to fear. There was never anything to fear.

She’s been watching over us, and she loves how you’ve been taking care of me. Now she’ll be watching over you and your family. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

I wondered what “family” my mother was talking about.

After all, I was single and my dad was dying. When he died the next day, I took little comfort in the words he’d said.

Both of my parents were now gone, and I felt utterly alone.

To make things worse, my savings were diminished, and I had no hope of paying for medical school.

I transferred to a local college and went on to earn my degree in psychology.

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